11/15/2018

Our baby in Heaven would have turned two years old today.  We should be planning a birthday party.  We should be chasing around a kid who gets into everything and makes messes everywhere.  We should be getting upset because that little one breaks things and drives us crazy.  But we are not.  And we are sad.  Death is sad.  Death is hard.  Death hurts.  Death is…yuck and muck of all kinds!  However, I am recently starting to see a new side to death.   

I used to despise the season of autumn.  It gets colder and cloudier.  Everything begins to die: the grass, the trees, the flowers.  It is the foreboding season of eventual fate leading into a wintery death.  Yay, Happy Fall, y’all!  Just joking.  😉  However, this year, I have been enjoying it for the first time because I know that once everything dies, it will some day be reborn again.  It will come back to life eventually in the spring and summer where it will live again and be fruitful.  Therefore, I can appreciate the current state of autumn because I know that there will be a better state in the future.  In the same way, I can appreciate this broken and death-filled world because there will be a time when all things will be reborn, renewed, and brought back to life in Heaven.  This season, this cursed world will turn around and everything will change for the better.  I was once grappling with God about our baby in Heaven, and I remember that He told me: “I make all things new” (Revelation 21:5).  Ah, He really does.  That cuts deeply within my soul.  I find rest in that verse.

And now I realize death is actually God’s mercy for us.  In Genesis Chapter 3, Adam and Eve sin and thus corrupt God’s perfect world.  Subsequently in Genesis 3:22, God made sure that Adam and Eve would not live forever in this broken, corrupt state.  Therefore, God was being compassionate and merciful to them by preventing them from living forever in this state of constant suffering and turmoil.  That is blessing.  That is mercy.  That is love from a God who cares.  We only see one side of the coin, but God sees death as more than what it is in the moment.  He sees it as an opportunity for restoration and deliverance, to have a “happy ending” of sorts and to attain what God had always meant life to be in His eternal glory.  Death brings about new life.  We can see this in Jesus Christ’s sacrifice for our sins on the cross.  His death brought life to those who believe in Him, and we will one day be united with Him in Heaven.  Hallelujah to that!

I was once pruning the bushes and plants in my garden.  While I was doing it, I could sense the Holy Spirit asking me why I was pruning the branches.  I responded with the fact that I know the branches will grow back and that I don’t want them to get overgrown.  Then the Holy Spirit impressed on my heart that this was why He prunes our hearts and souls – to prove our faith, to grow our faith, and to see God for who He truly is.  The branches will come back.  The leaves will turn green again.  The flowers will bloom again.  The cycle of life will continue.  Life itself will be renewed.  All of creation will once again sing of God’s glory.  But we must wait.  My favorite new word to combine with “waiting” is “eagerly,” not impatiently, not angrily, but “eagerly” with anticipation in all of your soul and being.  Galatians 5:5 says: “For through the Spirit we eagerly await by faith the righteousness for which we hope.”  That is what I wait for now – God’s heavenly ending.  And it is painful right now to wait, and it is difficult right now to wait.  But I wait with eager anticipation for the next season, the better one, and the eternal one: the life God meant for us to live in the first place.  

(On a side note, I recently became interested in art.  I always thought that I was bad at art even with a mother and grandmother that were very talented in this area.  This is how powerful the mind is.  I told myself that I couldn't, and so I didn't.  When I was younger, I would get very upset when the picture I made did not look like the image I had in my mind.  I wanted my picture to be perfect in an effort to be in control.  Ah, that word control has so much weight to it.  We are never really in control of anything in life, to be honest.  We think we are, but we are not.  Flash forward to many years later, I realize that my artwork will not be perfect, much like life.  It will not be perfect, but we can make the most of what we are given.  As I paint and draw now, I realize that the mistakes and imperfections can be part of the picture.  Even more, imperfections can be part of my life, but my life can still be beautiful.)

04/01/18

When the Tomb and the Womb Are Empty

My daughter brought home a plastic, yellow Easter egg from school.  She showed it to me, holding it in her hand, open and empty.  I asked her what had been inside, assuming it had been some sort of candy that had immediately been eaten because that is usually what happens at our house.  She said: “Nothing was inside because Jesus’ tomb was empty on Easter.” 

Ah…the empty tomb.  The resurrection.  The conquering of death.  Jesus’ friends and disciples all assumed his body was still inside the tomb.  That is where they had left him.  Why wouldn’t He be there?  Let’s face it: Jesus was especially good about not doing what people expected, even after He had told them it would happen!  Aren't we all naïve?!The next day, I found a picture of myself from springtime two years ago.  I started to think about how empty my womb had felt after we lost our baby then.  The open expanse of hollow, negative space.  The loud echo of life's sadness within my soul.  That had been where my child was.  I knew God put him there.  But life doesn’t always turn out as we expect.    

What do the tomb and the womb have in common?  That which was once dead inside is now alive!  1 Corinthians 15:20 states: “But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen.”  If it were not for the empty tomb, my womb would not be redeemed, my baby would not (right now, in fact) be in Heaven, and I would not be able to one day meet that child.  My baby, born into Heaven, is loved by God more than I can imagine…more than I could ever love that child on earth…and all because of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross.  Romans 5:8-10 states: “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!”  Death and life… good and bad…lost and found...summed up in Jesus’ sacrifice.  The dichotomy between the simplicity of the cross and the complexity of the cross are exposed on this day…the good, the bad, and the spiritual face off in the ultimate war that was won by Christ who overcame death. 

If it wasn’t for the empty tomb, I would not have had any hope when I had an empty womb.  Just like Easter, we know that spring is coming when all things will be brought back to life.  The rejuvenation happens once again.  The dead plants bloom, the grass becomes green, the trees produce leaves and fruit.  No, I don't have a toddler running around, grabbing Easter eggs this year.  But I will meet him in Heaven one day.  So if you find yourself with an empty “Easter egg” today in whatever area of life you are facing right now, know that God will fill it, if not in this life, then in the next with His lovingkindness and His glory.