This week I celebrate my birthday. It always rains on my birthday. I guess that is what happens when your
birthday is in April. I remember in
first grade on my birthday the clouds were so dark it seemed like a navy blue curtain
over the windows in the classroom. My classmates and I were afraid of the
crashes of thunder and bolts of lightning.
It was one of those storms that makes the walls shake. Needless to say, as a young child, I was not appreciative of the weather that day. Almost every year since I was born, it has
rained on my birthday. I have always
thought of rainy days in a dreary and dismal fashion.
Yet, in the Bible, rain is actually a sign of blessing as Franklin
Graham recently pointed out. 1 Kings
8:36 states: “then hear from heaven and forgive the sin of your servants, your
people Israel. Teach them the right way to live, and send rain on the land you
gave your people for an inheritance.” After all, nothing would grow without rain. The Promised Land would have been a dry wasteland. In comparison, I do not want my life to be a wasteland. Therefore, there must be some rain in my life.
This week, I should be celebrating my 30-something birthday, but
instead, I keep thinking that this is my first birthday as the new person I am
now. In the past year, my life has turned upside down. My husband and I lost a baby, and then I almost died during surgery. The chaos and confusion has transformed me. No, God has
transformed me through the chaos and confusion into a new creation. As in 2 Corinthians 5:17, I have been made new:
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old
has gone, the new is here!” I realize
the person I was a year ago will never exist again.
I can never go back to who I was: the naivety, the innocence, the simplemindedness.
A part of me did die that day. I
suppose that is a good and bad realization at the same time…depending on the
day, the holiday season, sometimes the hour.
God broke my heart so that He could change me as only He can. I keep asking Him to put the broken pieces
back together. He has started, but my
heart is still not whole again. Someday it
will be, even if I have to wait until I enter the gates of Heaven. I know this truth because of
Revelation 21:5: “He who was seated on
the throne said, 'I am making everything new!' Then he said, 'Write
this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.'" He is making me new everyday.
Almost dying changes you.
Losing a child changes you. Grief
changes you. If it didn’t change who you
are, then what was lost was not important.
But the baby we lost was important.
And now, I do not mind the rain as much...especially on my
birthday (although the forecast actually looks like sun!). I do not mind the cloudy days
because as my friend tells me they are a more accurate reflection of life, and I
get that now.
So if you see me this week, wish me a happy first birthday
because I almost did not live to see this birthday, and more than ever, I want
to celebrate being God’s new creation.
